Today, I just need to vent about one person. He has caused so much anger, hate, disgust, trials, loss of hope, loss of faith, loss of care....pretty much anything negative and every terrible. I don't want to blame him for shitty things in my life, because I don't have a shitty life at all. I just have a lot of anger because of the things that he has done to himself and to my family, and I blame all that on him.
My parents have saved his ass once again. I've been really mad before, when my friends have kissed the boys I like, or when a teacher embarrasses me in front of a class...NOTHING, and i mean NOTHING makes me more mad than my parents rescuing my absolute idiotic moron of a brother. He really really really likes drugs, or I guess right now "LIKED" because he's been sober for a week or so supposedly. He is such a con man. I understand forgiveness, I know what it means to forgive. I also know that addiction sucks. Here's what I don't understand.......why can't you just stop? Why can't you tell your body no. Why can't you find a hobby? Why can't you stop going to AA meetings so you'll stop finding other addicts that YOU KNOW are going to get you in trouble? WHY when YOU KNOW that you can be severely addicted to a drug would you ever try that out? I just don't get it. I love my parents very much. They are big time supporters of me and a huge part of my life. The only thing they are doing for him is hurting. He deserves to be homeless. The reason why he keeps screwing up is because he knows my parents are going to bail him out like always. I stood my ground and he would never ask me for anything once he screws up (which by the way, it's taking everything in me not to say the f word on a public site). I don't have kids of my own, but if I did, there would be none of that shit going on. You continue to screw up, and ruin my marriage....bye. And I am sure it is hard to do as a parent, but that is the only thing that is going to help them. Mostly my brother though. I don't think anyone in this world is as stupid as he is.
I have a problem with praying for him. It is so hard for me to do. I sincerely wish he would get well. But do I wish that for him, my parents, or for me? That's why it's hard. I just want him to get out of here. I'm done hearing about him, I'm done hearing that my parents are arguing because of him. I'm done with my mom being depressed because of him. I'm DONE.
Christmas is in 9 days.....and I will have to be around him. Q Texas is the last place I want to be because of him. Christmas is my favorite time of year because I love being around all of my extended family. I am going to spend Christmas with my family because my precious Mimi passed away in August, and I know my mom has enough to deal with before my idiot brother gets in picture. I am going to support her and her only. Someones got to.
I should stop saying my brother, because he doesn't consider me his sister anymore. He swore on everything he would never talk to me again. Let's hope he meant that.
Also, when he moved out after he graduated they turned his bedroom into an office. No bed, just a desk. So guess where he is sleeping? MY BED. MY ROOM. It'd be nice to "go home" for the weekend. That used to be my favorite thing because it's so good for relaxing. I can't do that anymore. It's not my home anymore. I've felt that for a long time, every now and then when he has totally F'd up and my parents kick him out, my mom will make my room up all pretty and I will come home......but it doesn't ever feel right. I feel like a guest at a hotel.
I need to throw some plates at a wall. Or something.
No comments:
Post a Comment